We've Got One of Those In Here

I've been in public education for 16 years, and for 10 of them, I taught freshman English. When I left the freshman hallway, I felt like I had escaped a cult. I loved being with them while I was there, but six weeks into teaching juniors, there was no going back for me!

One year, I had a class of 20 boys and three girls. This was a difficult class to manage because the boys were rowdy and the girls were rotten due to all the attention they were getting. It was close to Halloween, so I decided we would read a short story by Edgar Allan Poe, "The Cask of Amontillado". The class was particularly giggly and restless, and although I thought I might know why, I decided to ask a couple of kids what had been so entertaining.

I kept F.(one of the three girls) and T. (a nice but perpetually confused kid) after class to see what the problem had been.

Me: I noticed that the class was especially silly today. Do you know why?
F.: Yes.
T.: (looking sheepish) Uh huh.
Me: What was it?
F.: I'm not sure I should tell you.
T.: It's really gross, Miss. You've probably never even heard of it. (this still cracks me up; he thought I was too pure to know about the more unseemly aspects of life!)
Me: It's ok; you can tell me.
F.: We were laughing because B. was jacking off. (I knew I could count on her for an honest answer!)
Me: Ok.

So I told my principal about the incident, and he had the counselor call the kid's mom. I thought it would be an isolated incident, perhaps he just had a really special affinity for Poe or something, and to my knowledge, he never did. He didn't have to though. That day in October, he branded himself with those other kids for the rest of the year. In the spring, the class pyromaniac noticed smoke outside the window and asked if he could go outside. I said, "It's not a fire, just dust being stirred up." He asked for more information, and I told him, "There's a weed whacker outside." His response was, "Hey, we've got one of those in here too!"