The latter part of 2009 marked the 10th anniversary of Tubby's Y2K paranoia/preparations. I don't think anyone on the planet, at least in his income bracket, was more ready for this disaster than Tubs. He started gathering items early in 1999, and by the time December rolled around, he had the following: 50 pounds of pinto beans, 50 pounds of rice, several five gallon jars of jalapeno peppers, numerous cans of propane, a pantry full of canned goods, 100 two liter bottles of Pepsi, a generator and six 55 gallon barrels filled with either water or gas. Clearly, he was prepared for the worst.
It was during this time that I began to get phone calls like this:
Tubby: Hey, Booger, do you have enough tampons to get through this Y2K thing? This is your dad.
me: Since you are the only one who calls me Booger, I kind of guessed who you were.
Tubby: Fine, smartass! If you need the tampons, I'm going to the commissary. Make me a list.
Calls like this continued, and unsolicited gifts began to accumulate. He gave me an oil lantern, the aforementioned tampons, a propane camping stove, and, the gift that keeps on giving, 12 gauge shells.
Tubby just knew that at the stroke of midnight, the power was going to go out and he would be under siege by looters wanting his ten year old television and other appliances. I pointed out that if the power was out, the looters might not want things that had to be plugged in, but apparently I was just not being a team player.
The best call came on December 31, 1999.
Tubs: I wish you and your brother would come over here tonight.
me: Daddy, that's so sweet. You want us all to be together if this is really the end.
Tubs: No, I just want a two more shooters to protect my stuff.
me: Oh.
My brother and I declined that amazing offer and instead watched the new year ring in peacefully from the comfort of my living room. We laughed till we hurt at the thought of Tubby being pissed off about not getting to protect his crap from the hordes of looters. To this day, I think he is still mad that he was wrong about the whole thing. He had to get rid of his stash, part of which was useful. Hubs and I used the propane to power our grill for quite a while, but I still have an unopened 5 gallon jar of jalapenos in my garage.
